a Scot! In this case, sweaty sock actually rhymes with jock, which is itself a British slang word for a Scottish person. His sister may be a blister, but he wouldn’t want her dating a sweaty sock, i.e. Sure enough, a true Cockney isn’t biased in his insults. After all, blister also rhymes with mister! If your wife is cows and kisses, and your sister is a skin and blister (often shortened to blister), where does this leave the women in a Cockney’s life? Ladies, maybe it's time to turn the tide. You might sense a theme here of Cockney insults not being especially kind to women. This term is often shortened to just septic, and if you don’t like yanks, then you’re "Listerine," because you're anti-septic! Get it? What a fun play on words! Oh, dear, it seems the Cockneys don't hold Americans in high esteem. Although this baked good is delicious, a Cockney isn't saying you're a yummy treat - quite the opposite! It wouldn’t be nice to liken someone to a raspberry tart. That's their way of saying that they think you've got a few screws loose. If a Cockney tries to talk to you and you don’t answer, they might say you’re a bit radio rental. That means they know what you're saying is a bunch of crap. If a Cockney figures out that you're telling pork pies (lies) rather than the truth, they just might call you on your pony and trap. It's a comment about a foul smell, which just might be coming from you (especially if it immediately follows a raspberry tart). If a Cockney mentions pen and ink, they're not asking to borrow a writing instrument. Instead, chances are they're telling you to shut your mouth. If someone tells you to stop going north and south, they're not referring to the direction you're traveling. And, if you don’t, the best you’ll ever be is a mockney. Nobody likes an imposter, right? There’s no such thing as an honorary Cockney, no matter how good your accent. If someone is being a general pain or a jerk, a Cockney is more likely to refer to the person as a merchant banker rather than a w*nker. Instead, they're making it known that they think you're more than just a bit stupid. If a Cockney calls you King Dick, it's not a compliment. In modern usage, you'll often hear the shortened form in the phrase "he's really getting on my wick" meaning someone's being very annoying. Rather than using the more general slang terms pr*ck or d*ck, a Cockney might describe someone who's being annoying as a Hampton Wick. Someone you can't rely on because of their love of the drink just might be referred to as a no-good elephant's trunk. For as long as the catchphrase “drunk as a skunk” is around, the Cockneys will have one better. Cockney slang offers a variety of ways to insult someone, so, if a Cockney calls you a dental flosser, they're not complimenting your smile. Those Cockney boys sure know how to express their love. Since not too many wives enjoy being likened to a cow, this stereotypical Cockney phrase is definitely a bit of a slur. Alas, cows and kisses refers to the wife. While "bollocks" is a common British slang term for balls (in the context of testicles), Cockney slang uses the phrase cobblers awls to exclaim the same sentiment of "nonsense!" This is sometimes shortened to just "cobblers" and the nonsense can even be as big as "a load of cobblers." It isn't a perfect rhyme, but it works well enough. If someone says "bottle and glass" in your vicinity, they're not asking how you'd like to be served a drink. Berk means idiot, as in "you're being a berk." The full phrase Berkeley (or Berkshire) hunt has been shortened to "berk," which has become a milder slang word of its own. Otherwise, they might be tossing an insult your way. You could take this in one of two ways, so, hopefully, your Cockney mates think you’re the good kind of trouble. "Here comes Barney Rubble,” a Cockney might say. There is no other relationship between a Cockney term and the word it replaces. Cockney sayings are crafted so that they rhyme in some way with the "real" word they're meant to replace. Cockney slang insults are fun and unique phrases, but they won't make sense if you don't have a basic understanding of how they're formed.
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